Lomilomi- Ohana
Previously, I wrote about my experience first visiting the island of Kaua'i, and receiving Lomilomi from Auntie Angeline's Muʻolaulani. This opened for me the wisdom teachings of Hawai'i, of the loving practice of Lomilomi.
I wanted to go back to Kaua'i the next year, and I wanted to learn lomilomi. I graduated from Healing Spirits Massage School that year, and felt that Lomilomi was a meaningful path to continue to study and practice massage therapy. This instinct was dead on. I began researching programs.
I found a lomilomi training held on the island of Kaua'i. It was a ten day, 40 hour, residential 'retreat' held in the mountainous area north of Anahola. Gloria Coppola led this journey. She studied with students of Kahu Abraham, from the 'Temple' style of Lomilomi. Ten days in Kaua'i, staying in a gorgeous location, living, studying, practicing; this sounded amazing to me.
I had no idea what an excellent choice I had made. The benefits of this retreat were profound, lasting, life altering. I have done many spiritual retreats in the Tibetan Buddhist community, which are considered 'deep' retreats- meditating in a group for a month, a three month long 'seminary', tantric retreats for initiated students in the tradition. Many retreats, I have done. The Lomllomi retreat blew my mind and heart further open.
The basis of this lomilomi retreat was living closely together, learning Ho'oponopono- the art of saying what needs to be said. Another way of understanding Ho'oponopono is forgiveness. We cannot forgive what we haven't yet acknowledged. These skills of Ho'oponopono are part of creating Ohana; family, acknowledging interdependence. As Ohana, a Lomilomi family, we practiced communication/interpersonal skills, part of the Hawaiian lomi tradition. It formed a basis for us to live closely, and to study deeply. Living closely is often a struggle; as it is uncommon to share so closely in our American lifestyle. Even in the spiritual communities, we often forgo the more difficult interpersonal work, and at an enormous cost.
As we know from Disney's Lilo & Stitch movie; Ohana means no one gets left behind. It is a simple, profound statement. Each of us are an important part of a group. When we exclude, we de-moralize, discredit, and disrespect, and society suffers. Inclusivity is a profound contradiction to how many of us grew up. Our American society prides itself in the individual; competition is often taught to be inherent to capitalism and therefor success.
I believe we are seeing the fallout of this exclusivity now; in the school shootings and other forms of violence which have resulted from the profound isolation many feel in their lives. Ohana is the principle that we are stronger, greater as a society when we honor and allow for differences, for everybody to feel part of.
The Ohana principle is a deep journey to take, and not always easy. Many of us have never experienced this belonging. Our own families may have been places where we felt profoundly left out, discredited, unseen, and at times forced to adapt in ways that left us feeling misunderstood and/or neglected. We may have been encouraged to be 'strong'; to excel in everything, to be the best, and yet underneath that we felt emotionally abandoned and bereft.
Ohana implies that we create a society which can value individuals, AND groups. Neither is the sum total and both imply each other. Ohana is a value that America, in particular, I believe, can stand to benefit enormously from. When we take our fierce individualism which we are so proud of, and combine it with acknowledging the very human need to belong without sacrificing our uniqueness, we can create a much stronger society.